“I know it hurts. But it's life, and it's real. And sometimes it fucking hurts, but it's life, and it's sorta all we have.” - Sam

I’m finally over being sick. It was a rough last week. My body just doesn’t “bounce back” like it used to. I remember when I was younger I would be sick one day, and healthy as ever the next. Same went for being hungover. Back in my early twenties it was nothing for me to stay out all night, getting wasted, and then be fully functional at work the next morning.

Of course, I don’t really drink too much anymore. I also don’t smoke anymore. I quit smoking a little over a year ago. I started when I was 14 years old and stopped when I was 34, so 20 years of smoking was about all I could handle. Not to mention the financial burden it was causing me. A person damn near needs to take out a loan in order to buy cigarettes these days. I was at the gas station the other day and there was a sign for Marlboro cigarettes that read: “Special Sale Price - $7.09!” Seven dollars for a pack of cigarettes?!

So, I quit smoking… I drink less… but I eat more and have gained a bunch of weight back that I had lost a couple of years ago. Now, I got to start going to the gym more and watching what I eat.  It’s hard. There’s always something. And like I said – my body isn’t what it used to be. Eating a cupcake would have no effect on me 15 years ago. Now I gain ten pounds just thinking about it.

I was watching Garden State with my wife on Christmas night (it’s her all-time favorite movie) and although I had seen it a few times before there was something about the movie that stuck with me during this viewing.  I must have thought about this before while watching the movie, but this time it just stuck with me. The theme of the movie is acceptance of life as it is and enjoying it for what it is. The main character tells his dad that he has “spent 26 years waiting for something else to start,” but what he realizes is that this is all he has. There’s nothing else out there. He decides to just start living his life for the enjoyment of what it is, rather than working towards an unattainable goal that’s going to make him miserable in the process.

I guess the reason why this is staying with me more these days is because I have been thinking a lot about the dreams I had when I was younger. I wanted so badly to be an actor. I always thought I would be and make a living doing what I loved to do, entertaining people. Now I’m 35 years old and a finance manager – the dream is long gone. It used to sadden me, but it doesn’t anymore. I have accepted the fact that I wasn’t able to be an actor like I had wanted. I wasn’t able to make a living entertaining people. But it’s okay. This is my life and I better enjoy what I do have and what I am, because the other option is to be miserable about a life that I don’t have.

 

It’s kind of interesting how a movie can have such an impact. Good thing we weren’t watching my all-time favorite movie, Pulp Fiction, otherwise I might be wandering the Earth like Caine in Kung Fu.